in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
