This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
