Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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