You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
