Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
