You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
