if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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