Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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