hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So much rum. So many feels.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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