We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I AM VODKA MAN
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
