fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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