so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
