I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
