batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
