I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
