you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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