Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
