you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
