"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
