I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
