How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
