I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
