Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
look no pants
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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