So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
