I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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