Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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