There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
