It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
