Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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