Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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