She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
