I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
