these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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