a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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