Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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