haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
