i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
