my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
