I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
