i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
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There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize