Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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