Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
