Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
