Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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