its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
