I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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