How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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