Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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