Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
