I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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