Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
