my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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