real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
