They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
