i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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