I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Come on in and take your pants off
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