respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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