A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize