i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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