dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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