I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
