I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
