In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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